Going back?

I have to admit.  The demands of Motherhood are harder than I imagined.  Are they not to everyone?  Would I ever go back to the way things were before, when it was just Connel and I?  No diapers, no spit-up, no endless piles of laundry?... oh, I guess those piles were there before! Haha!

I ran across a blog post today who's sentiments were exactly what I have felt at times, but never had the words to explain it.  

After someone made a comment about her wishing things would go back to the way they were before...She said:

"Yeah, I'll admit that I've come to realize the demands of motherhood, the sacrifices, the exhaustion, and so much more... but, even after the longest night or the most exhausting day, I have NEVER once wanted to go back to what life was before bringing Ben (in my case HANNAH!) home.

Not even close.

I guess she didn't realize that I already know the sleepless nights... or realize how much worse they were than our sleepless nights now. They were empty and quiet and piercingly lonely. She must not know the pain of infertility and what a heavy burden it is to carry."

I would never go back.  We had a great time and the memories of the fun parts of our life before baby will always be with me, but I would never go back! 

I love this little girly-girl way too much!

did I just totally contradict myself??? (read yesterday's post)

Here

I love Rascal Flatts, they seem to have a song for everything.  

A couple of weeks ago I was on my way to Jo-Ann's.  My sweet baby was sleeping in her car seat and I was listening to the radio.  This song came on and I couldn't help but be reminded of the work it took to get her here...

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There's a place I've been looking for

That took me in and out of buildings

Behind windows, walls and doors

And I thought I found it

Couple times, even settled down

And I'd hang around just long enough

To find my way back out

I know now the place that I was trying to

Reach

Was you, right here in front of me

And I wouldn't change a thing

I'd walk right back through the rain

Back to every broken heart

On the day that it was breakin'

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through

To get me where it got me

In this moment here with you

And it passed me by

God knows how many times

I was so caught up in holding

What I never thought I'd find

I know now, there's a million roads

I had to take

To get me in your arms that way

In a love I never thought I'd get to get to

Here

And if that's the road

God made me take to be with you

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for all the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right here

Oh, baby-Ooo

Oh, got me here

-Rascal Flatts

---

Can I truly say that I would relive all the tears and the years and "walk right back through the rain"?

Well, funny thing... I was reading through my blog and I found one post I wrote in which I stated:

 ---

"I used to think that there has to be a reason for everything.
I have asked God so many times...Why? Why? Why?

I have come to know that there is no point in asking the question, "WHY?"

Sometimes things just have to happen.

From what I have learned about the premortal existence... I must have signed up for this trial in heaven. What was I thinking? Your guess is as good as mine. I must have known the outcome. I wonder if I was hesitant or if I walked up to the front of the line and said, I want that one. Give me that trail right there. Maybe I knew what blessings would come of it?"

 ---

Now I DO know the outcome...now I DO know the blessings that come of the trial of infertility and miscarriage...

...and they ARE worth the heart-breaking journey... "every stumbled step" it took to get HERE:

was worth it.

So don't give up ladies...don't give up!  I love you!