Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.
~Joseph F. Smith

Loved this quote.

No Other Way

One night, a few weeks after I miscarried, I lay in bed sobbing, pleading, praying...

...asking aimlessly the WHY's? Why do I have to go through this? To feel so much pain? Though I already knew the answer to my question, it still hurt so bad, in every aspect. So I kept asking questions.

Do I really have to go through this?
Do I really have to feel all of this pain?
Can't you just take it away from me?

Isn't there ANY OTHER WAY?

Then my thoughts were interrupted by a still, small, comforting voice,

Then, my thoughts were overcome, I remembered what the Savior said as he suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will but thine, be done." (Luke 42:22)

Even the Savior was aware of the weight of the burdens that he was about to bear when he suffered in Gethsemane.

Even He asked for relief. Even He asked for deliverance.
BUT...he still did what he needed to do, he did the will of the Father, he still felt the pain for us because he loved us and because...

There was NO OTHER WAY.

Then, like the Lord calming the sea after the storm, I felt a wave of peaceful thoughts wash over me.

I knew that as long as I let the Savior in to help lift me and carry my burden, I could do the will of my Father in Heaven. Even though I want so bad to have all the pain taken from me and to have a child placed in my arms, the Lord has other plans for me right now, and I need to fulfill them.

I take comfort that even as he felt the pains and suffering of our afflictions, he knows ALL the feelings that come with trails, he understands the anguish and the uncertainty, he understands the pain and the sorrow.

This is what I have to go through, at this time and place in my life... there is no other way that I can learn what I need to learn and there is no other time that I can touch the lives that need touching.


I'm Sick

I'm sick today. I have a bad head cold.

I went to the store to buy some things for a church activity.

As I sauntered through the aisles, I remembered a shower that I had been invited to, but I am not going because "it's my birthday weekend" and we are going out of town...(okay, okay, so the plan is partly an excuse so I don't end up going to a party that I will come home sobbing from after listening to 20 or so women talk about their childbearing and pregnancy experiences...)

Anyway, I still wanted to get her a gift. I thought I would be daring and venture down the diaper aisle..."just get some diapers and GET OUTTA THERE!" I thought to myself.

You'd think that I'd chosen the safest place in the baby section to undertake...


...next time I will volunteer someone else to do that for me.

Why is it that the smell of (clean) baby diapers makes my heart ache?



At One

Outside, it is raining.

I am crying.

I cry for things lost. For things that have yet to come.

I stare through the pane, as the small water droplets form along the glass...the only thing that separates me from the storm.

I long to feel the moisture upon my skin, and something within tells me to pursue.

I retreat to feel the cool shower upon my crown, and the droplets become one with my tears.

Soon, the tears disappear.

I find peace for a moment, slumber, dream.

The morning comes, the rain still pours, but my spirit; anew.

As the storm subsides, the luster of the sun shows the damp landscape.

I feel it's warmth through the clouds.

I absorb the frolic of the birdsong and the trickle of the stream.

The earth is content, and, for a moment, I.