2.28.2009

No Other Way

One night, a few weeks after I miscarried, I lay in bed sobbing, pleading, praying...

...asking aimlessly the WHY's? Why do I have to go through this? To feel so much pain? Though I already knew the answer to my question, it still hurt so bad, in every aspect. So I kept asking questions.

Do I really have to go through this?
Do I really have to feel all of this pain?
Can't you just take it away from me?

Isn't there ANY OTHER WAY?

Then my thoughts were interrupted by a still, small, comforting voice,
"NO"

Then, my thoughts were overcome, I remembered what the Savior said as he suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will but thine, be done." (Luke 42:22)

Even the Savior was aware of the weight of the burdens that he was about to bear when he suffered in Gethsemane.

Even He asked for relief. Even He asked for deliverance.
BUT...he still did what he needed to do, he did the will of the Father, he still felt the pain for us because he loved us and because...

There was NO OTHER WAY.


Then, like the Lord calming the sea after the storm, I felt a wave of peaceful thoughts wash over me.

I knew that as long as I let the Savior in to help lift me and carry my burden, I could do the will of my Father in Heaven. Even though I want so bad to have all the pain taken from me and to have a child placed in my arms, the Lord has other plans for me right now, and I need to fulfill them.

I take comfort that even as he felt the pains and suffering of our afflictions, he knows ALL the feelings that come with trails, he understands the anguish and the uncertainty, he understands the pain and the sorrow.

This is what I have to go through, at this time and place in my life... there is no other way that I can learn what I need to learn and there is no other time that I can touch the lives that need touching.

1 comment:

CurtisandMindy said...

this is the perfect post. i've never been in your situation, but i think you did a really wonderful job explaining it here. sometimes we are called to go through things, be it infertiliy, or other struggles, that will help us become closer to that person that Heavenly Father wants us to be....sometimes there IS no other way. And we struggle. And we hate it. And it sucks. But in the end....if we make it there...we're the better for it. you're in my thoughts...