6.12.2009

Whatifs


I have been feeling a little What-iffy lately... It's just that I have had so many worries pop into my mind lately and I start thinking that something bad will happen.

I love Shel Silverstein, he seems to have a poem for every weird thing out there...

WHATIF
Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Although I am a little worried at times that I might tear my pants or that I will grow green chest hair, This is really my nightly version:

Whatif I still have a miscarraige?
Whatif I have a miscarraige while all 10 or more people I know who are pregnant right now go on to have their babies and I loose mine and just end up being pitied?
Whatif I have incompetent cervix?
Whatif I have to go on bed rest and I miss my sister's wedding?
Whatif I go on vacation and something goes wrong with the pregnancy?
Whatif the babies heart stops beating?
Whatif I didn't eat well enough in the 1st trimester?
What if those really aren't "round ligament pains" (or whatever their called?) and there is something wrong?
Whatif when they take me off of progesterone, my uterus stops working right and we loose the baby?
Whatif all this time I wanted a child and then I have it and suck at being a mother?!?


...I really need to get a project going.

5 comments:

Sweet Em said...

Two things:

1- you WILL NOT suck at being a mom...well, until baby #2 comes, then no guarantees, sigh...

2 - You probably can't stop the what ifs completely, but regardless of the outcome (and statistics are on your side that it will be a completely happy, normal one) you will totally regret if you don't also FULLY enjoy the time you have. Of course, knowing you, you are doing this already.

Brianna and Rusty Tuckett said...

I can't say that I understand each of your worries, but I do know what its like to wonder "whatif" and you know we can ruin our lives wondering whatif. I guess what helps me not be overwhelmed with the "whatifs" of life is to take them to the Lord, know that they are valid, but also know that my life is in HIS hands and come every "whatif" in the book life will go on and I will be ok. I pray to God that your "whatifs" are eased just as I pray that mine are. Take comfort and know that I am routing for you!! I love you and wish you the best Laura. It'll be ok :)

Kate said...

Hey CONGRATULATIONS on being pregnant! I haven't been on the computer for a while and happened to check today and was so excited to see that you are pregnant! I hope the what ifs go away with a new project. I am scared of the what ifs too. I am praying for you!

Harris said...

You are going to be a great mommy because you have worked so hard for this you will know the worth of your child and know the love that heavenly father has for your little one, girl right? You are going to be great!! By the way I love that what if poem. My dad always said If you never try you will never succeed. Sometimes you have to fall to grow. But you have to take that risk first and hope for the best. Laura I already love you! I hope we get to hang out soon!

The Packards said...

Laura, just wanted to say that I love this blog, you are such an inspiration to me. I have had three miscarriages now, and we don't really know whats going on, but it's so hard, and Im really grateful for your faith. Thank you!