Wow...This sounds like a lot of feeling sorry for myself. And this is supposed to be about optimism? I know... Well, as I said, I have learned so much.

President Gordon B. Hinckley was the "king" of optimism and he always inspired me to be a happy person. After trails and tribulations, it is hard to be a happy person. I always loved this quote by him. "In all your living, have much fun and laughter, life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." During my miscarraige and afterwards, I sometimes would think--How am I supposed to be happy after the pain of waiting for so long, there doesn't seem to be an end to the pain of watching other people become and be mothers. That is all I have ever wanted, isn't that what God's plan is for me anyway? I thought all of us women were supposed to hold motherhood as the highest calling. We are...and I believe that now I DO hold it as THE HIGHEST calling a women can EVER have.

In my last entry, I mentioned that while I was home, my mother took care of me. Despite all the things she was going through herself, she gave her attention to me. I learned a lot about the love of a mother while I was home.

It is so important to me, even so, MORE important than it ever has been to me. I believe that if I had not go through these things, even though I know the importance of Motherhood, I would not hold it in as high regard as I do now. Like I said before, I have learned SO MUCH from my experience. So, that is where the optimism comes in. The more I learn about God's plan, and my place in it...the happier I am...and through it all if I remember that someday...SOMEDAY...even if it's not today or tomorrow or even in this life, I will be a mother.

There are hard days and I will write about them, AND OH WILL WRITE ABOUT THEM! But there are good days to and I will NOT leave those out. And hopefully, there will be more good days than bad.

1 comment:

Sweet Em said...

This is defiantly one of the (few) blessings of Infertility. I do feel like even on the days when Tessa is driving me CRAZY I don't ever feel like I'm "just" a mom, or stuck being a mom...

And so so so very often I snuggle my baby (now little girl) and thank her for taking my infertility away from me.

I would never say that IF (infertile) women love their children more than other women - but - I definitely have a different perspective that I am grateful for.